perhaps perhaps perhaps...

Perhaps not talking to you would have been the best option.
Perhaps I should have detached myself away from you.
Perhaps I should have never told you about my instincts so you never would have told me the truth.
Perhaps I should have told you how I felt before any of this...

I find myself turning to my blog more and more, posting ever more frequently than I'd have imagined. But there's noone else I can turn to, because these feelings are hidden, I don't want anyone to know.

You seem to be more open with me than you used to, you tell me everything, but this everything includes things that slowly tear away at my heart, you tell me how you met someone, how stunning she is, I try so hard to smile, to put on a happy face for you, but deep inside, I'm dying a little bit more each day...I know what I think is wrong, I should support and be happy for you in all paths that you take, but I can't help it...

I continue questioning every day, why you don't see me, why you don't feel the same way I feel...I look up at that stupid fortune cookie message that says "Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you"

You just told me you missed me, but you said that I'm like your little sister. There's no more hope. And perhaps this should be the end of my journey...with you.