Did it all for you.

12 months ago I thought that god finally heard my prayers, that you finally heard my heart beat for you. I thought that those many moments spent with you finally gave you shared feelings towards me.

12 months ago I thought that we'd gotten there. That we were something more.

12 months ago we were hanging out like every other weekend, at your house, in your makeshift bed watching movies. 12 months ago, you kissed me. Who would have thought that this would happen... It's been a rollercoaster ride but I'm finally at the end. Those sleepless nights and tears I've shed, wishing that we were more. I tried so hard to convince you, I really thought I was ready to give up on chasing, too many years wasted. But you must have heard my calling. Youu let us try, even though you told me to move on. I thought that was it, but you came back to me and tears falling from your eyes, it broke my heart to see. You asked if you could take it all back and let us try again. Thanks for giving me a happy ending. You and me finally can be together. :)

Don't know why I do this anymore...

I thought that if time went by, you'd realise how much I loved you. But I'm just deceiving myself. You don't care. You don't care what I think. You know me so well but you don't know that I love you.

You call me when you're drunk, and despite my parents disapproving, I still come out to drive you home no matter how late or far. I've never said no. I always think of you first, even if I have $1 in my pocket, I want to spend it on you. When something funny happens, I tell you first, even the things closest to my heart, I share with you and no one else.

But what do you do for me?

You call me when you want, you find me when you need. What's in it for me?
You tell me when you meet someone, how you think they're attractive, how you ask for their number, ask them out.

What about me?

It seems as though I'm that girl that you'll go to when you feel like it.
I'm so tired, I can't pretend to be okay with it anymore.

Eventually the flame that burns so brightly for you will die out. And so will I...

Is it because I'm always here that you take me for granted?
Because whenever you need me, I'm always around?
I sometimes think what if? What if one day I just disappeared. One day you would no longer be able to see me, find me. Would you miss me then? Or would you simply brush it off and move on with your life? Would it make you feel that perhaps I did matter?

I don't know anymore. I'm too tired to hold on to this hope, or what's left of it...
One day, when the time is right, I'll say my goodbye. forever.

Forever...?

I know so clearly that we are just what we are, and nothing more.
I asked him the other night on the phone,

me: anhiee, do you think we'll still be able to talk on the phone every night when you have a girlfriend?

him: of course, if shes my girlfriend, she'll know the connection we have.

me: but what if she is jealous, and doesn't let us talk on the phone?

him: no, if she's jealous, i don't want her. We'll have our phone calls foreverr!

me: forever...? nothing lasts forever...


That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, forever huh...but even if I wanted to, even if your future girlfriend is okay with us talking, I'm afraid I won't have the courage, the ability, to see you happy with her, and I won't be able to do anything about it, I'll just have to sit and wish you happiness.

The more I see of you, the harder I fall.
One day, when you come to me with the news I don't want to hear.
I just might fall so hard and never wake to see the light again.

Just to be with you...

I go out of my way to spend more time with you, going home with you. It's our only time we can spend together, even though I know it takes even longer, I still choose to do so.
Just to be with you
We were driving the other night, and we were talking about the previous person I liked, I accidentally said that I liked you. You laughed and said oh really? why thank you...
But infact, what I said was true.

The dimming light.

I thought you were my lightbulb...but it feels as though it's dimming and slowly drifting from me.
I don't know what I've done...

Don't want to hold you back...

I'm sorry I don't know what to do, but one thing I'm sure of is that I shouldn't be with you. You have a bright future ahead and things you want to do, like teaching in overseas schools. I don't want fo be selfish and ask you to stay because I know you wouldn't be happy that way. So I wish you the best in your future, I'll support you all the way.
I love you...goodbye

you.

You asked me today whether I would miss you if you left, I wanted so much to say yes. But I don't want to be selfish, I want you to be happy and live your life with no regrets. Even if that means I will regret my decision for the rest of my life.

I've grown accustomed to your presence. To hear that you want to move overseas, feels like I'm being cut with a knife over and over again yet I have to continue smiling for you. We spend so much time together, we talk online every day, we talk on the phone most nights, and I find every excuse I can to see you, but I don't think you get my hints.

You always tell me how you meet someone new, ask me what you should do, I tell you to go for it, go with your heart and go for the girl you like, and I wish so much that I was the one, but you tell me you haven't found the one that you share a spark with.

You've become part of my routine, without you I feel like there's a crucial piece of me missing, I wait until you come online every day, every night I'm watching the clock, and constantly checking my phone to see if you call. I don't know how I will move on if you move away, or of I will ever have to ability to move on by myself.

You always give me hope to carry on, to wait for you, you react, I respond. But I want a different response from you. I want that response from you.

I'm so tired of waiting for you now...I don't know how much longer I will be able to withstand this pain, seeing you searching for your spark, when I'm here right next to you. Please give me a response, the one I'm looking for. You've opened the window to my heart and stepped in, without you, it will leave a hole and bleed.

幾多溫柔葬深海 幾多心血難復再
　沒有天賜愛但仍信愛 地塌天崩不悔改
　忘記心魔平復障礙 天窗總會為你開
　多少死去再活來痛愛 讓渺小肩膊負載
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